WARNING: The following is a First Thoughts and Initial Reaction Review for Duke Nukem Forever.
Given the nature of the game, this review will contain language not suitable for minors or those who are sensitive to such wording.
There will be spoilers. This is your first alert on that.
Given the nature of the game, this review will contain language not suitable for minors or those who are sensitive to such wording.
There will be spoilers. This is your first alert on that.
Duke Nukem... My first experience with Duke was in the way back machine.
I played Duke Nukem 3D on the Nintendo 64, and will always remember starting that downtown LA level in multiplayer, and the Rumble Pak falling out of the controller.
On the N64 we had "Damn, those alien scum are gonna pay for shooting down my ride."
On everything else, you had "Damn, those alien bastards are gonna pay for shooting down my ride."
And the game pays tribute to that line in the opening credits.
12 years later, after numerous delays and politicking, and other reasons Duke is back.
But is he the same? I know ALOT of other reviews immediately jumped on the it's terrible wagon since the game had a lot to live up to given 12 years of broken promises.
I'm gonna try and remain unbiased as I do this. The only way I can sanely review this game, or, at least give my initial reaction is if I keep my mind far far away from the "After 12 years" mentality that the rest of the net seems to have taken on. Though, admittedly, I have tried to stay far away from reading reviews.
But hell, even on my personal Facebook, just mentioning trading in Portal 2 for this drew a slew of mixed reactions.
So, let's go get some, shall we?
The game's initial opening scene and graphic starts with Duke shaking some dice in his hand, and having theOlsen Twins, Mary-Kate and Ashley Holsom Twins, Mary and Kate, two ambiguosly aged girls with short blonde hair in Catholic Schoolgirl outfits blow on the dice before Duke throws em, letting out a very proud: "I'm Back Baby!" as the dice roll.
This really sets the tone.
The next title sequence video is very much of a "Incase you've forgotten who I am!" deal.
We're then given three default difficulties to choose from:
"Piece of Cake", "Let's Rock" and "Come Get Some"
Easy, Medium and Hard, respectively, with no doubt some "Hail to the King" or Very Hard mode available to unlock.
It's here I wonder how much I can dance around the plot without being Spoilerific, and the fact is I can't.
To be fair to this and how it fairs against say Duke Nukem 3D, spoilers are abound. Especially with this merely being a First Thoughts review, and not a Full Game Complete review.
The game's initial opening scene and graphic starts with Duke shaking some dice in his hand, and having the
This really sets the tone.
The next title sequence video is very much of a "Incase you've forgotten who I am!" deal.
We're then given three default difficulties to choose from:
"Piece of Cake", "Let's Rock" and "Come Get Some"
Easy, Medium and Hard, respectively, with no doubt some "Hail to the King" or Very Hard mode available to unlock.
It's here I wonder how much I can dance around the plot without being Spoilerific, and the fact is I can't.
To be fair to this and how it fairs against say Duke Nukem 3D, spoilers are abound. Especially with this merely being a First Thoughts review, and not a Full Game Complete review.
You have been warned. Again.
The game opens in a locker room, with Duke taking a leak ["Press RT to Piss", I kid you not]
And the very first line we hear from Duke is:
"It's time to stop pissing around and get this big fella back into action!"
So, 20 seconds in, and the game itself is saying it's been way too long.
After "pissing around" and getting very interactive with the environment (Seriously, the Dev Team thought of everything, and I can't decide if that's good or not yet.) we find that the locker room was actually part of an American football stadium, and you're teamed up with some military types to defeat an alien who is wrecking havoc on the stadium.
Hold up, where have I seen this before... Oh snap, they couldn't have, could they?
So, after some immaturity on the Strategy Whiteboard... Oh hey, an achievement...
After some immaturity on the whiteboard, the game brings you out to fight on the football field with a massive Cyclops monster. Really feeling familiar here.
Beat the monster down, and Duke scores a field goal using the monster's eye. Oh hey, another achievement.
After the field goal, the game cuts to the ending credits. WTF?!
Oh, right, we find that Duke is playing a game based on his adventures 12 years ago.
That's right, in 2011, Duke is playing a graphically superior Duke Nukem 3D!
The game opens in a locker room, with Duke taking a leak ["Press RT to Piss", I kid you not]
And the very first line we hear from Duke is:
"It's time to stop pissing around and get this big fella back into action!"
So, 20 seconds in, and the game itself is saying it's been way too long.
After "pissing around" and getting very interactive with the environment (Seriously, the Dev Team thought of everything, and I can't decide if that's good or not yet.) we find that the locker room was actually part of an American football stadium, and you're teamed up with some military types to defeat an alien who is wrecking havoc on the stadium.
Hold up, where have I seen this before... Oh snap, they couldn't have, could they?
So, after some immaturity on the Strategy Whiteboard... Oh hey, an achievement...
After some immaturity on the whiteboard, the game brings you out to fight on the football field with a massive Cyclops monster. Really feeling familiar here.
Beat the monster down, and Duke scores a field goal using the monster's eye. Oh hey, another achievement.
After the field goal, the game cuts to the ending credits. WTF?!
Oh, right, we find that Duke is playing a game based on his adventures 12 years ago.
That's right, in 2011, Duke is playing a graphically superior Duke Nukem 3D!
And the twins raise their heads, wiping their mouths as they come up from presumably going deep on Duke's Nuke. The twins ask about the game and if it was any good.
Now, there is alot of blatant innuendo here, but Duke is his normal nonchalant self about the thing and responds:
"Yeah, but after 12 fucking years, it had better be!", the game again speaking the minds of the fanbase who expect this to be the Best. Game. EVAR!
But good things never last too long, and the twins promise to play with Duke some more after the talk show he's supposed to get a host on.
Making our way from floor 69. Get it? 69. Huh, get it? Giggidy.
Making our way from floor 69, to the ground floor, and the one thing I can say here is:
Now, there is alot of blatant innuendo here, but Duke is his normal nonchalant self about the thing and responds:
"Yeah, but after 12 fucking years, it had better be!", the game again speaking the minds of the fanbase who expect this to be the Best. Game. EVAR!
But good things never last too long, and the twins promise to play with Duke some more after the talk show he's supposed to get a host on.
Making our way from floor 69. Get it? 69. Huh, get it? Giggidy.
Making our way from floor 69, to the ground floor, and the one thing I can say here is:
The posters in the elevator are funny as hell.
Actually alot of the posters are for different reasons. More often for the foul mouthed humour.
Take the "Attack of the Biker Babes" poster for instance. Seems fine, til you read the fine print.
"Starring - Parter Cheeks" and another few inyourendos.
Actually alot of the posters are for different reasons. More often for the foul mouthed humour.
Take the "Attack of the Biker Babes" poster for instance. Seems fine, til you read the fine print.
"Starring - Parter Cheeks" and another few inyourendos.
On the ground floor, we meet technicians and stage hands, screaming and creaming fangirls, and in my honest opinion, the funniest damn thing ever in a stagehand who literally dies with fangasm upon meeting Duke.
Look it up or play the game, it's too damn funny to not appreciate yourself.
Look it up or play the game, it's too damn funny to not appreciate yourself.
Before we reach the talk show, shit starts hitting the fan.
Power surges, TV's reporting alien activity at Duke Burger, and then the talk show has been cancelled, which leads Duke backstage to find an actor and set technician in a disagreement over ruined lighting.
Yeah, an all out Christian Bale parody. That man will never live it down, may aswell tell 2K Games that they're done. Professionally.
Making our way back up to the 69th floor, our objective is to reach the Duke Cave, and even as the city is in danger, a fan refuses to move from Duke's throne until he gets his photo on it. Priceless.
In national emergency, I guess some people wanna be able to say "I was there", haha.
Reaching the Duke Cave, and we have a discussion with Mr. President and the Secretary General about the aliens. I won't divulge much here.
Power surges, TV's reporting alien activity at Duke Burger, and then the talk show has been cancelled, which leads Duke backstage to find an actor and set technician in a disagreement over ruined lighting.
Yeah, an all out Christian Bale parody. That man will never live it down, may aswell tell 2K Games that they're done. Professionally.
Making our way back up to the 69th floor, our objective is to reach the Duke Cave, and even as the city is in danger, a fan refuses to move from Duke's throne until he gets his photo on it. Priceless.
In national emergency, I guess some people wanna be able to say "I was there", haha.
Reaching the Duke Cave, and we have a discussion with Mr. President and the Secretary General about the aliens. I won't divulge much here.
Though, there is a line uttered: "Duke. You're a relic from a different era."
To me, this is the game again admitting that it's long overdue.
But not just that, but rather that anybody expecting this game to be Halo or Call of Duty better bring their ass back to the game store and return DNF, because we're here to show you how things were done in the oldschool, when people shipped Duke Nukem and Lara Croft rather than Master Chief and Samus Aran.
To me, this is the game again admitting that it's long overdue.
But not just that, but rather that anybody expecting this game to be Halo or Call of Duty better bring their ass back to the game store and return DNF, because we're here to show you how things were done in the oldschool, when people shipped Duke Nukem and Lara Croft rather than Master Chief and Samus Aran.
After that, it's ass kicking time.
The power goes out, completely, and you're required to activate Duke Vision.
That's right, his shades are more than what they seem.
Though, between the Duke Cave and Duke Vision, I'm guessing it's more a stab at Arkham Asylum than anything else. Or a cheap excuse to throw in DN3D's Night Vision Goggles early.
I prefer to think Arkham though, so let's go with that.
That's right, his shades are more than what they seem.
Though, between the Duke Cave and Duke Vision, I'm guessing it's more a stab at Arkham Asylum than anything else. Or a cheap excuse to throw in DN3D's Night Vision Goggles early.
I prefer to think Arkham though, so let's go with that.
So after a fun mini game puzzle using an RC Jeep, we can turn the reactor back on, and yes, it's female voiced, so I shouldn't have to tell you what it says upon rebooting.
Ass kicking on steroids happens thereafter before you jump into the cockpit of a massive railgun to go fight your first alien mothership.
Ass kicking on steroids happens thereafter before you jump into the cockpit of a massive railgun to go fight your first alien mothership.
End.
Alright, so that's where I am right now, and figured it was an opportune time to get my initial reaction out there. And to be blatantly honest, the game is great.
The crude humour, the aliens, crazy weapons. It's all there.
The shoutouts to other games and to it's own fanbase are a nice touch, it's like keeping a few bricks of the broken fourth wall on it's foundations so that you know, the game knows, but Duke and the cast don't know.
Can I honestly say at this point that it lives up to 12 years of hype and heartache? No.
But I don't care. This is Duke Nukem. This is what I expected it to be.
No company on the planet can live up to 12 years of hype. Heck, even George Lucas proved that no company can have it's origin story live up to the hype of it's main attraction.
My only complaint is that the loading screens take forever.
They come with tips on how to play the game. The funniest being:
"Remember. If you get stuck, you can always cheat and look up FAQ's online."
If you get over the fact that it's taken so long, this game at it's base core is pure unadulterated fun. (Yes, I'm quoting the box.)
The game is not afraid to be 'Relic from a different era'. It's not afraid to punch Call of Duty and every other 'hardcore' WW2 shooting game in the balls, then shoot Halo a death glare before giving it the one finger salute.
All Duke Nukem Forever is, is the very same thing that captured it's cult audience.
Booze, Babes, Boobs, Guns and cheesy one liners.
It's nothing more, and doesn't take itself seriously enough to consider itself any lesser than it's "Rival" FPS games.
Hail To The King, Baby.
Hail To The Fucking KING!
PS: Incase anybody is wondering. I picked up the Balls of Steel Edition.
Love and Peace,
- Chain O'Mac
The crude humour, the aliens, crazy weapons. It's all there.
The shoutouts to other games and to it's own fanbase are a nice touch, it's like keeping a few bricks of the broken fourth wall on it's foundations so that you know, the game knows, but Duke and the cast don't know.
Can I honestly say at this point that it lives up to 12 years of hype and heartache? No.
But I don't care. This is Duke Nukem. This is what I expected it to be.
No company on the planet can live up to 12 years of hype. Heck, even George Lucas proved that no company can have it's origin story live up to the hype of it's main attraction.
My only complaint is that the loading screens take forever.
They come with tips on how to play the game. The funniest being:
"Remember. If you get stuck, you can always cheat and look up FAQ's online."
If you get over the fact that it's taken so long, this game at it's base core is pure unadulterated fun. (Yes, I'm quoting the box.)
The game is not afraid to be 'Relic from a different era'. It's not afraid to punch Call of Duty and every other 'hardcore' WW2 shooting game in the balls, then shoot Halo a death glare before giving it the one finger salute.
All Duke Nukem Forever is, is the very same thing that captured it's cult audience.
Booze, Babes, Boobs, Guns and cheesy one liners.
It's nothing more, and doesn't take itself seriously enough to consider itself any lesser than it's "Rival" FPS games.
Hail To The King, Baby.
Hail To The Fucking KING!
PS: Incase anybody is wondering. I picked up the Balls of Steel Edition.
Love and Peace,
- Chain O'Mac
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