Rather odd choice of blog for me tonight, given that I have a fair bit to report back on regarding my change of job, my new roster, and some new groundwork being laid for the future.
Still need to do my review of
Hopefully the new openings in my day-to-day operations will afford me more time.
Moving on to the self-proclaimed Biggest Party of the Summer; W
Ignoring my cross out above, do we actually have clarification of that whole "It's no longer an acronym." fiasco?
I'm just asking given that the term "professional wrestling" and "wrestler" have been thrown out a lot lately, which can't be sitting well with WWE's rather anal PR people.
Anyway, moving on. I need to make a few things clear.
I will not be reviewing the matches, but rather the PPV overall.
Not everything is positive, so, if anyone in Stamford, Connecticut is actually reading this, I advise that you avert your gaze to your own website. Thank you.
Match spots will be mentioned along with winners/losers, but this is more a quick run down of the night with my thoughts of where these angles might go in the future.
Match Listing: Victors Bolded
- Rey Mysterio/John Morrison/Kofi Kingston vs R-Truth/The Miz/Alberto Del Rio
- Sheamus vs Mark Henry
- Divas Championship: Kelly Kelly (c) (w/ Eve) vs Beth Phoenix (w/ Natalya)
- Wade Barrett vs Daniel Bryan
- World Heavyweight Championship: Christian (c) vs Randy Orton
- Undisputed WWE Heavyweight Championship Unification: CM Punk (c) vs John Cena (c)
- WWE Heavyweight Championship: CM Punk (c) vs Alberto Del Rio
My first point of business was having the US National Anthem play.
Now, hold on, before you yanks and rednecks come at me with pitchforks and torches, hear me out. Please.
SummerSlam is not WrestleMania.
It's built up as WrestleMania in Summer like that ridiculousness that is Christmas in July, sure, but at the end of the day; SummerSlam is NOT WrestleMania, and the anthem should have been left at home today rather than kiss up to the Armed Forces guys in the hopes that they don't get another member of your staff fired. Yeah, I went there.
And even if the Anthem was a MUST... Could WWE not have gotten somebody... I dunno... Talented?
Having Adam Jones from "Tool" on stage to play the U.S. National Anthem.... What the hell?
It sounds nice in theory I'm sure, but him and that guitar BUTCHERED the Anthem worse than Abdullah passing Hep C to someone back in the 70's.
After that fiasco, we have the opening match. Ah, the "AWESOME" bubbles are back... again.
Yeah, the novelty of that wore off after 'Mania. And what the hell was with that hideous jacket The Miz was wearing? Brokeback Mizanin, people.
For the love of God, get Michael Cole off the commentary booth!
When my 11 year old brother is able to say "This sucks! Why isn't JR on commentary?" and say it like it actually means something, it really makes me wonder if I'm just amazing, or if WWE doesn't have as many "Little Jimmys" as it might like to think.
And is it me, or has the most "must see WWE Champion in history" gotten a little burnt out?
Or maybe just sick of hearing himself say the same crap over and over after he was fed to A-Ry?
I'm a fan of Mike Mizanin's mic skills and wrestling ability. But The Miz needs a new direction.
Unlike R-Truth, who has taken this new persona of his and ran 8 Miles with it.
Only 'The Truth' can put forth the logic that SummerSlam and C-Lo Green = Conspiracy and make it sound believable if not damn funny.
Mysterio, meh. Morrisson, pass. Kingston, whatever.
Kingston's Stormtrooper tights however... Just LOL!
The action wasn't bad, some pretty cool spots, and I guess having the team of Mysterio/Morrisson/Kingston win was the right thing to do.
Mysterio picking up the win for his team builds momentum for him going into Monday Night RAW for his Title rematch against the winner of the CM Punk/John Cena matchup later on. And also going into WWE's Tour of Mexico later this month. More on that later.
The more John Laurinaitis appears on my TV. The more I have to wonder 'Why?'.
The Wrestling Community, last I checked, don't really give a damn about Johnny Ace, so why the hell is he on TV so much lately. CM Punk's 'apology' was great stuff, but my attention is still drawn to the fact that the more I see Laurinaitis, the more I think he has a face I just wish I could punch again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and ag--- Whoops! Clean up on aisle 3!
Oh hey, look! It's Hotness Incarnate, er, Stephanie McMahon.
She wishes CM Punk luck tonight and offers a handshake, but Punk knows where that hand has been, so he'll pass. Oh, Punk you lovable little scamp you.
Next up, seems somebody's gonna get their ass kicked as Mark Henry and the Irishman, Sheamus O'Shaughnessy, get set to lock up. Pretty standard fare. I got what I expected.
The countout victory on Henry's part would have been cheap if not for that awesome powerslam through the ringside barrier, and the ridiculous hilarity of the plant in the Cena shirt running for dear life.
Yes, Christian. Comparing yourself to HARRY POTTER is the way to get yourself over as a heel.
How about on Friday Night SmackDown! you call yourself a Twi-tard and really piss off the 18 - 36 year old fanbase. Just a suggestion.
Wait, a commercial on my PPV? WTF?!
If I want commercials, I'll watch your FREE programming. GTFO, WWE! GTFO!!
C-Lo Green came out and sang "Bright Lights, Bigger City" and then a modified "F--- You!"
Dancers joined him on stage for this song. They cut to crowd shots of people singing along and dancing. Being in L.A. and having C-Lo there does give the show more of a big-event feel, especially with the Staples Center setting in Los Angeles.
Another two frigging commercials. What gives?
If only for me thinking I heard Steve Blum in the 7-11 advert, I'd be alot more pissed off... What? ...
Don't judge me.
Kelly Kelly and Bethany Phoenix are gonna dance around for the big silver butterfly.
Wait a sec, since when can Barbie actually wrestle? And is it wrong I find the irony in her real name being Barbie? Poor KK. Anyway, Kelly Squared retains the Butterfly, while the Divas of Doom (and I hate that as a stable name. Not that 'Divas of Destruction' would have been any better Booker T, but, it would still sound a bit more animalistic and threatening than 'Divas of Doom' when you look at the build of Beth Phoenix and Natalya Hart.) Where was I going with this? Oh yeah.
Anyway, Kelly Squared retains the Butterfly, while the Divas of Doom glare and scowl in annoyance.
Backstage R-Truth, setting up the first real jewel of the night, said they had a bond, so there's no way they should have lost the match earlier.
He asked Jimmy Hart, making his return to WWE TV, what he thinks.
Hart said Truth needs someone to help him get to the top. He listed his resume with Money Inc., the Hart Foundation, and Honky Tonk Man. What about the Dream Team?!?! He told Truth he needs him because he needs to think big. Truth said he makes a lot of sense.
"Think big and not little, Jimmy," he said.
He then freaked out and wondered if Hart was THEE "Little Jimmy." He asked if he talked to him or knew where he was. "Little Jimmy conspiracies everywhere," he said. They showed Ron Artest of the LA Lakers with his daughter looking on. Cole ruins the joke by explaining who Ron Artest is. Get it?
And now it's a Twix commercial, complete with Jerry Lawler doing the marketing line.
That's what? FOUR commercials in the space of 10, maybe 15 minutes.
Screw you, WWE! I demand a portion of my money back!
Next match: The Englishman, Wade Barrett and his ridiculous long mafia suit blueblood jacket thing hanging off his shoulders. Seriously. What is with tonight and craptastic jackets?
Daniel Bryan/Bryan Danielson needs his old music back, but I guess I can dig this tune also.
Michael Cole still hates Daniel Bryan.
Jerry Lawler explains to Michael Cole that wrestling is not bodybuilding, without using the word "wrestling." (Go to hell, Lawler.)
Bryan kicks Barrett's ass all over the ring while Cole rants about what a nerd Daniel is. Only in WWE, people. (Go to hell, Cole.)
Booker tells the others that 'making money is WWE is more important than winning titles.'
If you don't know what's wrong with that statement kindly remove yourself from this blog and come back when you're old enough to understand the concept that you work in a Professional Wrestling company to become the best there is and win accolades and Championships to prove that you are the best.
If that goes over your dainty little head, get the hell away this business. (Go to hell, Booker T.)
Fantastic technical match by the way that really put both men over, but ended in Barrett getting the win.
I guess this was less about putting over SmackDown!'s Money In The Bank holder than it was in continuing the Barrett/Bryan feud. Or, a small victory for the UK fans given the recent riots and anarchy there lately.
Gotta say though. The more that they harp on about Bryan wanting to cash in his MITB Contract at next year's 'Mania, the more I wonder if the WWE Indy Circuit Hate Machine will intervene and have Bryan lose the briefcase or be the only person in history to cash in the Contract and NOT win it's respective Championship.
Again, my bro is kicking up about the lack of Jim Ross. I love this kid.
While, my other bro is indifferent.
I will say this though, the commentary situation tonight was a complete disaster.
Michael Cole should be on the dole queue. Booker T should go back to training Rookies, and people still seem to be unable to tell Jerry 'The King' Lawler that he's past his prime on the booth.
A prime he never had really.
Seriously. If our amazing Chief Operating Officer,
Get rid of these three stooges and just have Jim Ross and Joey Styles call the action for three hours.
Trust me, you would never need new commentators again. Ever.
Hell, even Matt Striker and Booker T would have been welcome over the clown car that is Cole/King/Booker.
A video package aired for the upcoming Christian/Randy Orton bout with the World Heavyweight Championship on the line.
This is another feud that I hope dies after tonight.
Christian's ring entrance took place, carrying a microphone.
Unlike Orton, Teddy Long, or Triple H, he is a man of integrity and always keep his promise. He then welcomed the man who will be in his corner tonight, "my best friend, the Rated-R Superstar, Edge."
"My best friend." Heh, when I was growing up, Edge and Christian were billed as brothers.
Along with the Dudley Boyz and the Hardy Boyz. Yeah, the letter Z was awesome in the 90's.
Anyway, Edge's music played and the crowd popped. Edge danced onto the stage, looking a lot thinner, but healthy. Edge being present adds star power and storyline possibilities to this match, also, given he was advertised for the Fan Axxess, you just knew that he'd show up on the PPV in some capacity.
Edge took the mic and said as much as it was a bitter pill to swallow when the doctor delivered the news that he couldn't wrestle again, he felt he was passing the torch to Christian and he kicked the door down. He said he felt it was unfair Long made him defend the title five days after a ladder match. He said he complained about it the next week, and the week after that, and the week after that, and the week after that, and so on and so on. "You whined and moaned," he said. He said he won back the title and is now a two-time champion, "but you did it by disqualification?"
Edge said he did some horrible, heinous things in the ring, but he always did it with style and panache. He said he didn't hide behind lawyers and suits and clipboards. Christian looked like a puppy who'd been kicked. Edge went on to say that somewhere along the line, Christian became a disgrace to himself. He said he's better than that and he knows it. He said he'll love him until the day he dies and that will never change, but, Christian needs to hear all of this from him because he won't listen to anyone else.
"I didn't know my best friend would become a whining, moaning, crying little bitch." - Edge.
He dropped the mic and walked to the back. Christian yelling and whining all the while.
It was about here that I took issue with Booker T. Again.
Booker said Christian is a "late-game-breaker and late in the game he steps up and hits a home run every time."
Redundant sentence is redundant, no?
And then, Lawler agreed with him. What the hell?
Really, the guy who has lost time after time after time to Orton "hits a home run every time"?
Anyway, the match iself was really just a weapons fest. Trash cans, steel steps, kendo sticks.
Christian ate three tables, one of which being the time honoured tradition of being the Spanish announce desk.
Orton won the match to regain the WHC.
Oh, and I gotta ask: Why is the inside leather of the World Title red?
After a video package aired about Summerslam Fan Axxess, a camera backstage picks up on Triple H and Stephanie having a conversation, then kissing, before Triple H walked away to head to the ring.
The long video package that aired on TV also aired here recapping the Cena-Punk saga.
It's about here that Facebook picked up, so I hope you don't mind if I cheap out here and copypasta a few things.
But first, it's Time To Play The Game!
Triple H gets an expectantly warm reception as he struts down to the ring in a referee shirt.
No water bottle bit tonight, The Game is all business.
Next up, static interference leading into Cult of Personality by Living Colour as WWE Champion C.M. Punk strolls down the aisle, a sea of white shirts and arms wraps praising the Best In The World as Triple H looks on, not at all amused.
Punk sits down in the centre of the ring as the arena goes silent and the arena erupts in boos during the 'dramatic' pause they do for Cena's entrance. What was once used for tension and suspense is now a portal for "CENA SUCKS!" chants and booing. But then.
Cena's music finally hits, and the arena goes SILENT!
No, I kid you not. WWE Champion John Cena tonight was not even worth the effort of booing (or cheering) as he came out and did his thing.
I'm sorry, but you know you suck as an entertainer when the crowd boo BEFORE your music hits, and can't even be bothered to keep booing as you walk down the aisle.
He looked at the camera and said something about how this is where it started and he used to walk the concourse of this arena as a kid, or something to that effect. Lawler declared, "The champ is here!"
"Just listen to that ovation for John Cena!" - Booker T
I'm sorry. Are we paying attention to the same show, Booker?
Maybe not given what you say a few moments from now.
Triple H held up the championship titles as it was once again re-inforced that this match was legitimately WWE Champion vs WWE Champion with the winner being crowned the Undisputed Champion.
And it's around here that Booker T proclaims; "Titles, that's what it's all about."
Wait, what? Yeah, I know. The guy is an idiot.
The crowd stumbled with the chants early as when they tried to get the "Let's Go Cena/Cena Sucks" thing going, C.M. Punk fans tried to chant his name. Eventually the "Cena/Cena" chant took hold.
They trade submission moves. Triple H actually calls it down the middle while I scowl at how retarded the Cena version of the STF looks and pity Punk for selling the move so heroically.
They tease a double countout, which gets to the count of 9 before Hunter goes Steve Austin on the idea and hops outside and roughly rolls both men back into the ring.
The arena has quietened down, and I may be wearing rose coloured glasses, but, the White Shirts are overpowering the Red Shirts. Did Cena's Little Jimmys fall asleep from being up so late and have to be carried home by their parents?
Cena hits Punk with the
Punk kicks out, and quickly nails Cena with the Go To Sleep.
Punk hits the Macho Man elbow for two. A "Thank you, Randy/Randy Savage" chant breaks out.
Yup, the Lil Jimmys are definately asleep, and the estrogen powered females are nowhere to be heard.
We have an arena of WRESTLING fans as Cena gets booed for every move he makes, every step he takes, the crowd are hating on him. Hip hip hooray.
A second GTS! Cena's down. Punk moves for the pinfall!
Triple H, makes the count.
1... 2... Cena's foot lays on the rope. Hunter doesn't see it... THREE!!
Brilliant, but the moment is tainted by Cena's foot.
To paraphrase a buddy of mine.
"Cena losing with his foot on the bottom rope only serves to preserve his 'Never Give Up' reputation with the Little Jimmys.
A preservation which he doesn't really need."
And I agree with this. It's a horrible cop out so that the IWC (Internet Wrestling Community) can relish in the fact that WWE didn't go back to the status quo of John Cena + WWE Title = Happy Jimmys = Ratings.
While at the same time giving the CeNation a reason to continue to bitch AND serves as a reason to keep Cena in the Title Picture.
"I didn't lose. The impartial referree and C.O.O screwed up."
Absolutely ridiculous, but I guess I'll swallow the bitter pill because:
Winner by pinfall and Undisputed World Wrestling Entertainment Champeen, C.M. PUNK!
Cena complains, Hunter could care less.
Hunter offers a handshake, and Punk declines.
Triple H is graceful however and raises Punk's arm in victory.
Trips leaves the ring as Punk celebrates, only for Punk to turn around and walk into a clothesline from Big Daddy Cool Diesel, Kevin Nash!
The crowd pops in shock as Nash hits Punk with a Jacknife Powerbomb, leaving the Voice of the Voiceless a crumpled mess in the ring.
And then, Alberto Del Rio comes out with a referee following behind him, and it becomes all too apparant what's about to go down.
Del Rio cashes in his MITB Contract, kicks Punk in the head, and 1, 2, 3!!
Alberto Del Rio has finally realised his destiny to become WWE Champion.
Was the finish cheap? Sure.
Was it expected? More or less.
Was it smart? Heh...
I'll get alot of flack for this, but yes. It was.
You may recall earlier I mentioned that WWE has a tour around Mexico coming up.
Well, Del Rio is very well known in Mexico, much like Sin Cara/Mistico is well known.
Part of WWE signing Mistico was to improve their Mexican fanbase, and travelling through Mexico, with a very well known, and famous Mexican Wrestling figure as the Champion of World Wrestling.
Well, it's gonna put asses in seats and increase ticket sales for people wanting to see their hometown hero.
If my sources are correct, the REAL Sin Cara will be on this tour, and not the Sinposter they had on SmackDown! for the sake of keeping the character around while the real one is on suspension for Wellness Policy Violation.
And on Monday Night RAW, Rey Mysterio has a Title rematch. Mysterio may be from San Diego, Cali.
But he is Mexican, the nephew of Rey Mysterio Sr.
So, as you see, the tour will be built around these three.
Sin Cara will likely be billed as Mistico while in his native Mexico. I may be wrong, but as far as I was aware the trademark on that name was not extended to use in the States.
Mysterio will wrestle maskless, following Mexican tradition that if you lose your mask, you can never put it back on. Mysterio officially lost his mask in WCW, vs Kevin Nash if I remember right.
And Del Rio... I'm not sure. I think he may have to re-don his mask. I never bothered looking into whether him being maskless is a US thing only.
But anyway, it was smart booking, end of.
Now, all that's left to know is if Nash has a beef with Punk personally, or if he was paid off by Del Rio to take out whoever won the Unification match.
